Ghibli Tavern - Jokes Thread

Jokes Thread

I'm only starting this thread because I'm bored and I have nothing to do, and because aviator suggested it...hope your happy >_< lolz. so humor me ok?

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07.10.2006, 09:47 PM

Registration Date: 11.01.05
Location: Portugal
Posts: 405

Okay, I have a riddle, not exactly a joke...A RIDDLE...

So there's this guy. He clones himself, but the process goes retarded, and now there's two of him, one can ONLY tell the TRUTH, and one can ONLY tell LIES (Don't ask me about the logisitics of the cloning experiment gone wrong, I'm clueless about those things). You want to figure out which one is the liar and which one is the truth-teller. You get to ask one question, and one question only. What do you ask?

*This riddle can have multiple answers, it's just the basic concept that matters...sort of hard to explain. If you need a hint, I'll post it later, but I can only give one hint, otherwise I'll give the answer away*

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07.10.2006, 09:54 PM

LittleWing
Ohmu

Ten Signs That You're At A Bad Zoo

1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.

2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.

3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.

4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.

5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.

6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.

7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.

8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.

9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.

10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!

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07.10.2006, 10:43 PM

Registration Date: 06.03.03
Location: Home, resting...
Posts: 6077

Haha...that's funny. Did you figure out my riddle?

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07.10.2006, 10:49 PM

Roarkiller
Your Daddy-O

quote:
Originally posted by Sunchaser
Okay, I have a riddle, not exactly a joke...A RIDDLE...

So there's this guy. He clones himself, but the process goes retarded, and now there's two of him, one can ONLY tell the TRUTH, and one can ONLY tell LIES (Don't ask me about the logisitics of the cloning experiment gone wrong, I'm clueless about those things). You want to figure out which one is the liar and which one is the truth-teller. You get to ask one question, and one question only. What do you ask?

*This riddle can have multiple answers, it's just the basic concept that matters...sort of hard to explain. If you need a hint, I'll post it later, but I can only give one hint, otherwise I'll give the answer away*

There are a thousand and one answers for that. Put simply, just ask any of them a question where the answer is obviously a yes or a no. Like for example, "Are you a clone?"

The liar will obviously say no, and the truth-teller say yes.

And a joke:

A man walks into a bar. What did he say?

-Ouch.

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quote:
Originally posted by fenkashi
Screw your opinions, they are not relevant ^^.

Post last edited by Roarkiller on 07.10.2006, 10:51 PM.

07.10.2006, 10:50 PM

Registration Date: 05.29.06
Location: California
Posts: 169

Okay, so your smart. But yeah, I shouldn't really expect any less huh? I actually had a different answer, but yeah, lots and lots of answers.

What is 1+1?

Liar: some number other than 2

Truth-Teller:2...so yeah..sry it was a stupid riddle

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07.10.2006, 10:55 PM

aviator
Warawara

Kool thread !!!

OK, so Mr. Ricardo calls his local travel agency and says "Hello, I'd like to know how long it takes to fly from LA to San Francisco", and the travel agent replies "hmmmm... just a minute", and Mr. Ricardo says "Thank you !!" and hangs up (ha ha ha)

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07.11.2006, 12:03 AM

Registration Date: 05.10.06
Location: Bath House of the Gods
Posts: 885

quote:
Originally posted by Sunchaser
Okay, I have a riddle, not exactly a joke...A RIDDLE...

So there's this guy. He clones himself, but the process goes retarded, and now there's two of him, one can ONLY tell the TRUTH, and one can ONLY tell LIES (Don't ask me about the logisitics of the cloning experiment gone wrong, I'm clueless about those things). You want to figure out which one is the liar and which one is the truth-teller. You get to ask one question, and one question only. What do you ask?

This is the real answer for this riddle!
You ask one of them, we'll say Clone 1 'Would HE (meaning Clone 2) tell me that you're the liar?
OK, this is gonna be hard to explain!!
If Clone 1 were the liar, he would have to lie about what Clone 2 would say. Since Clone 2 would have told the truth, Clone 1 would then have to tell the lie. However, if Clone 2 were the liar, he would obviously have lied. However, Clone 1 would then have to answer the question truthfully which would be the lie from Clone 2. Hence, no matter which clone is the liar and which clone is the truth-teller, the answer that you get would have one and exactly one lie in the answer.

Or more simply put;
You see, if clone 1 is honest, he would say that the clone 2 would claim that 1's the liar, because that would be a lie. If clone 1 was the liar, he would lie and say the clone 2 would claim he was the liar. In either case, you can safely assume the opposite is true, and that tells you, logically, which clone is the correct one.

Or more simply;
Ask clone1 "would clone 2 tell me ur the liar?" clone 1 says yes. Clone 1 ask "What if 2 was telling the truth?" You reply, "then you wouldn't be, so if you told me he said yes, then I know the answer is no" .Then clone 1 says, "but I could be telling the truth" Then you says "but then clone 2 wouldn't be, so if you told me that he said yes, the answer would still be no"

Hope that's clear enough!!

I can't think of any jokes that aren't deeply offensive!!

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Post last edited by SpiritedSen on 07.11.2006, 09:41 AM.

07.11.2006, 09:14 AM

aviator
Warawara

Registration Date: 05.29.06
Location: California
Posts: 169

Well, seems like only me and Littlewing want to humor sunchaser (sorry ). Anyways here are a few more (yes they all have to do with aviation, am I boring or what!!! ):

A man walks up to the counter at the airport and the ticket lady says "can I help you", and the man says " I'd like a round trip ticket!", the lady asks "where to sir", and the man answers "right back here!"

No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight

What is the purpose of the propeller? To keep the pilot cool !!! you don't believe me??? well just turn the propeller off and watch the pilot sweat !!!

An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced "we have lost an engine, but don't worry, there are three left. However instead of 5 hours it will take 7 hours to get to NY". A little later, the pilot announed "a second engine failed, but we still have two left. However it will take 10 hours instead of 7 to get to NY". Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced "a third engine has died. Never fear, because the plane can fly on a single engine. HOWEVER, it will now take 18 hours to get to NY". At this point, one passenger said "Gee, I hope we don't lose that last engine, or we'd be up here forever!!!"

If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate in the terminal

While checking in his luggage at the ticket counter, a man told the ticket lady "I'd like one bag to go to Miami, one to Los Angeles and one to New Orleans". The ticket lady, perplexed, replied "I'm sorry sir, we can't do that", and the man answered "well you did it last week!"

Taxiing down the taxiway, a jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant "what was the problem?", the flight attendant answered "the pilot was bothered by a noise coming from one of the engines, it took us a while to find another pilot"

flights never leave gate 1 at any terminal in the world

If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the aisle seat and window seat while you are still in the boarding area: just look for the two largest passengers

The crying baby on board is always seated next to you, the best looking woman/man is never seated next to you

A pilot and copilot were descending for landing at an airport they never been before. The pilot looked out the windshield and suddently exclaimed to the copilot "HOLY COW! look how short the runway is! I've never seen a runway that short!". The copilot looked out the windshield "Wow!! you're right! That's incredible! Are you sure we can make it?", the pilot says "we better, we're almost out of fuel". So the captain got on the intercom, and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees, and prepare for and emergency landing. Then he set the flaps full down, and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the copilot was praying. They touched down, and came screeching to a halt just before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking. "HEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. "That runway was SHORT!!!" and the copilot said "yeah, and WIDE too!!!"

DELTA: Don't Expect Luggage To Arrive

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Post last edited by aviator on 07.13.2006, 02:56 AM.

07.13.2006, 02:25 AM

Registration Date: 05.10.06
Location: Bath House of the Gods
Posts: 885

Please note:This joke is a little bit nasty! Make sure you don't read the punchline early!

A boat gets shipwrecked on a desert island. Unfortunately, the only survivors are 20 men and 1 woman. After months of being stranded, the men start to 'get urges', and so does the woman! So they come to an arrangement...the woman will become the 'girlfriend' of all the men, and 'satisfy their needs'!
They live happily like this for the many years they are stranded, and then, one sad day, the woman dies, leaving the men alone on the island

For the first week, everything felt the same!
In the second week, the men started to notice the difference!
In the third week, it started getting difficult!
In the forth week, it was really hard!
In the fifth week, it was unbearable!
And in the sixth week....

They buried her!

Sorry! I think this joke's hilarious, but I do have a slightly odd sense of humour!

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Post last edited by SpiritedSen on 07.22.2006, 11:13 AM.

07.13.2006, 08:04 AM

Feel_the_Light
Totoro

Registration Date: 07.15.06
Location:
Posts: 869

here's one a friend told me.
A man was going on holiday to Spain and he'd just arrived so he decided to email his wife to tell her he'd arrived and couldn't wait for her to come. however he sent it to the wrong address and his sister had just come home from her husbands funeral and she saw a message saying 'I've Arrived'. she opened it thinking it was her husbands and it read 'hello love just writing to inform you that i've arrived and can't wait to see you in a couple of weeks. ps it's bloody hot down here!'
Can't remember if that's it exactly but well it'll do.
here's a few dunb blonde jokes. (sorry for any blonde peaople, no offence meant.)
Why'd the blondes mirror have two holes in it?
she tried to kill her self.
Why'd the blonde fall out of the tree?
She was raking leaves.
Lots of love
xoxo.

07.22.2006, 07:17 PM

Registration Date: 05.10.06
Location: Bath House of the Gods
Posts: 885

Why did the blonde get sacked from the quality control line at the M&M's factory?

Because every time she found a W, she threw it away!

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07.22.2006, 08:30 PM

aviator
Warawara

Registration Date: 05.29.06
Location: California
Posts: 169

If God had meant man to fly He would've given him more money!!!(ha ha ha)

Sen, your joke on the random boredom thread was just histerical!!! Maybe because I can see myself in the pilot's seat (JUST KIDIIIIING!!!!)

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Post last edited by aviator on 07.23.2006, 12:03 AM.

07.22.2006, 10:40 PM