Ghibli Tavern - Aunt/Uncle Agony (yay for being non-sexist)

Registration Date: 06.03.03
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Aunt/Uncle Agony (yay for being non-sexist)

So I thought since a lot of people have a "few" angst pent up, what with all the problems cropping up in the HL thread, I thought we could do a Agony thread.

So the deal is that you can just post your problems in detail, and other people can try to help you. I'm not against topics turning into interesting discussions too, so feel free to loosen your tongue a bit.

Just remember the golden rule: You have the right to have an opinion.

-----

Personally, the only mentionable problems I have are only two. One is cash flow problems, which is common, but mainly because I've had a few mishaps that has been a drain, plus my need to pay school fees.

The other could probably be solved by changing jobs, but that would be running away. It's just that there are two people in my company who I wouldn't bat an eyelid if they were to disappear one day for no reason.

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quote:
Originally posted by fenkashi
Screw your opinions, they are not relevant ^^.

02.05.2010, 10:46 AM

husky51
The Old Guy

Registration Date: 03.17.08
Location: Southern California
Posts: 12810

quote:
[I]

-----

Personally, the only mentionable problems I have are only two. One is cash flow problems, which is common, but mainly because I've had a few mishaps that has been a drain, plus my need to pay school fees.

The other could probably be solved by changing jobs, but that would be running away. It's just that there are two people in my company who I wouldn't bat an eyelid if they were to disappear one day for no reason.

So... is there any chance for a promotion in your position? That might bring up you cash flow. How about applying for a raise? Whenever I thought that I deserved one, I would write a letter to the appropriate people and outline my quaifications and the reasons that I thought I deserved it. I usually got it, but I don't know your situation over there...

or check around and quietly check out other jobs that you might be interested in...

whatever you do, good luck...

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02.08.2010, 06:41 PM

Kazegami
Miyazaki's Best Friend

Registration Date: 08.19.07
Location: a world of pure imagination
Posts: 7025

I'm frazzled. Temper seems to be getting shorter by the day. And the prelim exams are over for heaven's sake. ._. But there's still these little loose ends all over the place, bits and pieces of homework scattered across the subjects, essays, tests... it doesn't stop. I don't even remember the last time I was able to not worry about school. I just want to get away from all of it and never see a worksheet or a folder or a teacher ever again... It's a terrible time to want to give up, just as the higher exams approach... there's all this expectation of A and B grades, sometimes I want to fail everything just to throw all that expectation off of me.

Anyway. I'd better go and do my homework.

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02.08.2010, 07:47 PM

husky51
The Old Guy

Registration Date: 03.17.08
Location: Southern California
Posts: 12810

@Kaze...

not sure offhand of your age or grade, but all I can suggest is plan on a relaxation period when your studies are finished. I mean totally finished! My daughter took about six months off any kind of studying and just continued working part-time at her job. Finally, she enrolled in a techinical school for avionics. She wanted nothing to do with higher education at uni's, etc... It is not easy, but eventually it will be done... stiff uupper lip, etc... big hugs your way, we all love ya and are rooting for ya...

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02.08.2010, 09:31 PM

Registration Date: 06.03.03
Location: Home, resting...
Posts: 6077

@Kaz: Unfortunately, I can't relate to you about your studies, but I can give advie on those "expectations" problem.

Back when I had to choose between going to college (GCSE A-level) and Polytechnic (diploma), my father pressured me to no end so I would get into college, since it's statistically much easier to get into university that way.

Pressure's all on me because I was the brainiest amongst all my cousins (and still unbeaten). But because I caved in to the "expectations" I ended up doing poorly instead, studying stuff that didn't interest me at all.

Anyway, the point is, just ignore all these expectations. Yes, grades count, but there's really no point in studying for the sole purpose of getting a good grade. You go to school to learn, and you should set your OWN goals, not be forced upon you by anyone else.

Believe me, it's so much easier working towards your own goals than what others expect of you. Less stress, more productivity.

quote:
Originally posted by husky51
So... is there any chance for a promotion in your position? That might bring up you cash flow. How about applying for a raise? Whenever I thought that I deserved one, I would write a letter to the appropriate people and outline my quaifications and the reasons that I thought I deserved it. I usually got it, but I don't know your situation over there...

or check around and quietly check out other jobs that you might be interested in...

There's only three people in my warehouse, and I'd rather someone else be the supervisor. And I just got a raise last year. Not much prospect in a small company, after all.

My only REAL hope is getting a better (read: of interest) job, and I don't mean warehouse-related like now. Sadly, that's tied to my current ability to get an engineering cert, and as mentioned previously, this private school I enrolled in sux bad.

__________________
I am me.
I am who I am.
I am Roarkiller.
No one else is me.

Roarkiller.net
Isakaya High RPG Site

quote:
Originally posted by fenkashi
Screw your opinions, they are not relevant ^^.

02.11.2010, 09:24 AM

husky51
The Old Guy

Registration Date: 03.17.08
Location: Southern California
Posts: 12810

When I was attending college working towards a degree in a field I was interested in, I was lucky enough to be able to attend all of the courses required for my diploma early on and attend the funner (? lol) courses towards the end on my attendence.

Unfortunately, in my life I had to change gears and work at another career which I kinda like doing, but not as much. such is life, you have to be flexible... Now, with the economy, I am working at a job that I did parttime early on in my life, but at the moment, I am working when so many others are not...

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02.14.2010, 06:47 PM

Kazegami, I was in a similar situation only a month or so back so I know roughly what you're going through. Perhaps one way to tackle this is to break up your coursework up into chunks and tackle it all gradually? I know there's deadlines and all but learning how to manage your time is something that you'd benefit from, not only now but in the future when you perhaps do your advance highers or go to college/university or even at work.

Also, it's not anyone elses expectations that matter so just ignore them. If you're happy with what you've done and it's the best that you can do, then that's all that matters. Maybe you'll feel a little bit better if you have at least one day/night a week where you just spend time on yourself as well as taking regular breaks when you're doing your coursework or try studying with a friend?

Have you considered talking to someone at school or at home about this? If you haven't, then I'm sure that may help because bottling this all up will just make not only your coursework suffer but you too.

Good luck with your final exams in May/June as well as your coursework and I'm sure you have done and will do great!

Roarkiller, it sounds like your life has become mundane and needs a bit of excitment. Why don't you ask for a project to work on? Not only will it change your routine if you get one but it'll also give you new skills that'll help you to become more attractive to potential employers. Additinally, your employers should also be impressed that you want to do something that could potentially be a benefit to them in the long run, which could help with you having an increased pay as a result and them becoming more competitive and grow. Sadly, I have no ideas to help you with that since my forte is Management over Engineering but I hope that your circumstances improve.

Oh and, if your school is that bad, why don't you transfer to another if you can? If not, then perhaps you need to re-evaluate the situation you're in and try to approach things from another angle. It could be that all you need is a break or perhaps a complete change.

Then again, I could just be talking rubbish and not be helpful at all but I hope that I've been some use to you.

02.17.2010, 09:06 PM

Registration Date: 06.03.03
Location: Home, resting...
Posts: 6077

Lol, "mundane" is hardly the term to describe my life. Perhaps "repetitive", maybe, since my weekly schedule is pretty much the same every week. It's just that I actually pack in a LOT of activities into every 24 hours.

Small company has no room for climbing the ladder.

My school, even less hope. I thought I was taking a proper diploma course, but I discovered too late that this course is only a precourse for the advanced diploma (non-usable for anything else), which in turn is a precourse for the degree course (same trap as former).

And the fact that I already spent 6.5k on it isn't helping.

__________________
I am me.
I am who I am.
I am Roarkiller.
No one else is me.

Roarkiller.net
Isakaya High RPG Site

quote:
Originally posted by fenkashi
Screw your opinions, they are not relevant ^^.

02.18.2010, 11:41 AM

Registration Date: 05.25.09
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 795

Maybe there's no real room for climbing the ladder within the company but that doesn't mean that you can't improve your job prospects with a project or two.

If you pack a lot into 24 hours then you could always spice things up a little with altering your routine somehow.

Eek! And you're sure you can't transfer? Anyway, look on the bright side: at least it's another qualification to add to your collection, even if it is a bit useless. Oh and some skills are bound to be transferable in the long run so hopefully it's not a complete waste of time.

...I think I was even less help than before. Well done me.

02.22.2010, 03:03 PM

Kemi
Totoro

Gee, what a good way to start a topic like this, since I always mention my problems in the HL thread indeed. Sorry for that, it happens automatically.

Well, I have a few problems; first (and I have no clue if I am going to personal right now, if so...please delete the post);

Because of my illness sunday night and monday morning I had to throw up, but since I'm swallowing the anticonception pill it might be a problem, I tried three times to keep the pill inside but it didn't helped...
I really feel so bad and scared to dead right now, I don't want to have babies, not YET! I'm only 21 and my boyfriend is even younger. I know I shouldn't think the worst immediately. I don't dare to ask my mom again, since she was already annoyed by me, and I also don't want to visit the doctor...aah damn, whyyy? Can somebody help me?

Besides that I also broke a sports training device at the Fitness hall today by accident, luckily my trainer wasn't too mad about it.

And third problem: the problems with my mother in law and the whole family still aren't solved, we were argueing about her rules and my opinion about it basically. Since my boy is younger there are different rules in the home and I understand that, but it's sometimes hard to understand/respect since it is going very different at my own place, also when I was his age. (3 years ago)..
I wrote her an e-mail to try to solve the problems, she said she would think about it, and now I want to visit him this friday since he has his second gig with his band then, but...still no response of her, she had to talk with his sisters and the father she says and she isn't able to talk with me right now...sighs...what do I have to do??

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02.23.2010, 04:55 PM

Kemi
Totoro

Registration Date: 05.25.09
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 795

I'm sorry guys for telling you all this mess. But I feel like I can't go anywhere else with my problems, especially not with the first one about me maybe being pregnant. Only the idea...whoaa.. I tried my best, I guess I have to come up with an idea very soon ^^
My boyfriend says he wants to help me whenever he can

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02.23.2010, 04:59 PM

Miyrru
Graphic Designer

Registration Date: 08.16.06
Location: Freezing cold Northern Ontario
Posts: 7178

Well I think this is up here are some of most stressful problems that have floated through the tavern.

As much as I can help, Im not sure I can really. Id have to say that a medical professional would be the best to tell you if you were pregnant or not, or you could let it run its course for a while, Im sure you will find out soon enough. Once you know the situation you have certain things that you would have to deal with. I guess all I could say is make sure to surround yourself with people who support you and will help you be in the right state of mind to be able to tackle whatever happens from here on out.

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02.23.2010, 05:10 PM

Registration Date: 10.02.06
Location: Japan
Posts: 7589

Babies... (no, not any of you, as in baby babies XD)

I had a friend (so hard to say "had", but she transferred schools) who often worried if she got pregnant. It was rather the ordeal. Although I'm the virgin of my friends, the type who gets sick still at the thought, I seem to be the only one who understands her feelings about it when she got worried and didn't know what she'd do. I guess that's because I'm quite maternal, and the thought of having a child at a young age frightens me. Because I wouldn't want to give up the child or abort it, but I know it's not the right time for that. I stare at my little cousins and know how useless I am with trying to amuse and care for them at times, and become depressed merely at the thought I might fail as a mother in the future.

Don't know if that much relates to any of your problems on perhaps a sudden pregnancy. At least you have a boyfriend who cares and will stay beside you. That's good.

My friends like to tell me I'll never get married and live all alone. Truthfully, the thought really makes me want to cry. I don't know why, but the thought of not marrying or having my own children makes me want to cry really hard. D:

Ah, a problem of mine currently is my best friend is planning to go away for Grade 12 to a boating school. Meaning, I won't have any real way of contacting her during that time. I was planning on transferring that year or next school year to another high school, but there's no way I can abandon my friends. I have to make sure my Rae passes so that if she doesn't graduate on time she can graduate with me. I'd hate to leave them just for the purpose of expanding my education. My best friend is rather.. the flamboyant person. The boating school... It's funny, she discovered it through one of the ships sinking. XD It's based in Nova Scotia, Canada but goes down into the tropics.

02.23.2010, 06:39 PM

Kemi: relax! Like Miyrru said, the best way to find out if you're pregnant or not is to see a medical professional. I don't know what your illness is (and I'm not asking because it's none of my business) but there are other contraception methods that you can use. My advice is to go into a clinic or speak to your doctor about other methods that may be more suited towards your needs, especially if you've been throwing up.

I understand that you disagree with some of the rules of that home but there doesn't seem to be much you can do about it. My advice with this problem would be to have a one on one chat with her to discuss what issues there are and to come to a compromise. Additionally, has your boyfriend spoken to his family about this too? Speaking to his parents together shows a united front and also shows that this is serious between you too. Of course, his parents might just be acting difficult because he's thier child and it's hard to let him go so bear that in mind when you get a chance to chat to them. Just be patient and I'm sure it'll all be okay.

Foreignfilmfreak, have you told your friends that this upsets you? If not, then that might be a way to resolve this feeling that you'll end up alone because there's a chance that they might be feeling the same way.

Also, it's a sad fact of life that everyone makes and loses friends but I think you're looking on this as a bad thing. I don't have any advice or anything to do with your best friend that is going to a boating school (I hope she has fun!) so all I can say is that sometimes you have to let your loved ones go. It'll be very upsetting for you both but sometimes you have to leave in order to grow. Perhaps you could arrange something that occurs at a certain time on specific dates and don't forget that there's so many technological advances these days that you should be able to keep in touch some way!

By the way, if you do transfer to another school, then just remember that you'll be making new friends there too! Just be sure to keep in touch somehow, whether it be through email, instant messenging, social sites, text...

02.23.2010, 07:23 PM

Registration Date: 10.02.06
Location: Japan
Posts: 7589

Thing is, I'm not allowed IM or texting, and I have a fear of phones.. XD

Anyhow, it's not me who's afraid of being left alone. For most of my life up until middle school, I was always left alone. I'm too used to it, and my friends don't like that or how people ignore me nowadays after being such good friends with me before and how I seem so oblivious to that. I've had friends leave and come back, or never come back and back stab me for being different. I think, even though that boy bullied me so much, I think it's because of a certain someone I've become someone who can handle these things much better with more consideration for myself. People don't like me. I'm used to it.

More of it, I'm the one who wants to go to a different school, but it's a place... I'm not going to be comfortable in for awhile. I don't have a drive there, so it's difficult.. living in a rural area.

My friends though, my current ones, I understand most of them will lose contact with me straight after they graduate. There's only a couple who will remain. My best friend might not because she won't be around at all. (she wants to travel the world her whole life on a boat, which is why she's going to boating school. I won't see her pretty much at all, but we're both planning to become authors so we'll keep in touch with that stuff)

I just don't want to leave that handful of friends since god know's if I'll ever see a few of them again. Two are for sure, but.. not many at all.

02.23.2010, 07:44 PM

Well, if that's the case then there's always the good old fashioned letter. ^_^ Unfortunetly, it's becoming more and more of a lost art but that's just life these days.

It's good that you can see how much you've grown and become stronger due to bullying but I'm a little...okay, maybe a little bit more than a little...how about quite? concerned about how you seem to think people don't like you. For one thing, it's obvious that that's not completely true since you've still got friends and I think it's great that you're different.

Maybe it won't be comfortable for a little while but it's also an adventure...or at least it should be. Sounds like the travelling there will be a challenge but there's more than one way to travel. Maybe riding a bike to school might help or, if you're old enough, learning to drive?

I know it's hard leaving friends behind but if you all make the effort to keep in touch then I'm sure things will be okay. You just got to have faith.

02.23.2010, 09:31 PM

Registration Date: 10.02.06
Location: Japan
Posts: 7589

Driving is a difficulty. D: I'm 16 in less than a month, but we don't have the money for something... it's expensive. Riding a bike?! Dear, that would take me over two hours or so! XD It's a half hour from my current high school, and it takes twenty or so minutes to drive there.

They don't have school buses that go there from where I live either. D;

Well, I'm just not... I'm considered the sketchy kid. I don't really... do anything though to be seen that way. But.. people are strange these days.

Can't send letters to my friend going to boating school either. Because it's not stationed in one area and god knows how it'd get to her..

02.23.2010, 09:56 PM

I think the real question you've got to ask is if moving school is really viable if there's a problem with transport. If not and you're not happy at your school then why don't you ask to be home tutored?

I'm curious as to how you're considered to be the sketchy kid. Mainly because I've never heard that term before but also because it would be nice to understand where you're coming from.

Well, if that's the case, then it could be the time to let this friendship end on a high? Gosh did that sound mean. I really didn't intend it like that and I'm sorry if you take offence that I suggested that you let your friendship with your best friend go. It's just that I've had to let quite a few very close friends go in the past because of situational changes that leaves very little room for alternatives, so I don't know what else to say.

02.24.2010, 11:32 AM

Registration Date: 06.03.03
Location: Home, resting...
Posts: 6077

@FFF: Yours first, since it's easier to deal with. They say that the best way to deal with your fear is to jump in head first. So why not?

@Kemi: First things first. Get a pregnancy test kit; you can get it off the shelf at any pharmacy. There's no point in going to a doctor when a test kit will give you the answer with the same accuracy at a fraction of the cost (and time).

On your other problem, eh, that's in-laws for you. While I personally don't see the problem with a mere 3-yr gap, every parent has their own worries, and no two family are the same. You cannot expect every parent to be as liberal as yours, so you have to respect their method of upbringing, even if you don't agree with it.

Of course, that doesn't mean you have to bend your back for them. Arguing never solves anything, so just try to find some common ground to work on. Having a common ground will pave the way to a solution to the other problems.

And keep the temper in check, even if the other party blows her top. Tough, I know, but when the other option just makes things worse, it's not one you should take just because you don't care anymore.

And just remember, worrying never does anyone any good. you either know what to do or you don't. If you do, then do it and stop worrying. If you don't, then find out what you have to do and do it. You'll stay stress-free that way.

__________________
I am me.
I am who I am.
I am Roarkiller.
No one else is me.

Roarkiller.net
Isakaya High RPG Site

quote:
Originally posted by fenkashi
Screw your opinions, they are not relevant ^^.

02.24.2010, 11:53 AM