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hopexx5
Totoro
Registration Date: 01.17.11
Location: UK
Posts: 698 |
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| Advice on parents not understanding things you like/do? |       |
Of all the things that bother me routinely, And that is allot of things just saying. This particular subject is the biggest and most annoying to me, Apart from possibly social issues.
I've had to deal with it for a while now, And side effects include mistrust in my parents sometimes and the inability to talk openly to them. I am one of those people who have parents from a completely different era, And thus they don't fully understand or approve of the current way of things. My dad being from the closing months of the 50's and my mum from the 70's, Understandably things were very different in their childhoods compared to mine. They didn't have computers or musical devices, Or the massive amounts of entertainment supplied to us nowadays. My dad especially viewing things different to the 50's quite disapprovingly sometimes, Though i am not quite sure if he means it or not. My mum is more open and accepting of the current things, But even she doesn't understand it at times. In fact if it came down to it, I am the black sheep of the family. Either it be my dad or mums side, Or even my own brothers and cousins. My two little brothers having a strong interest in firearms and plain out violence, Im not calling them thugs but i just don't understand the whole kill death mane thing. My mum and dad being very interested in films over the ages, They an be casually seen watching films most people would of forgot years ago. My cousin is a social person and has little time for either me or the family. Me on the other hand, I am the only child who got interested in trains following on from my granddad. I am also the only person in the family that appreciates anime, and different cultures. I cannot fully be myself among them though, I have to compromise myself heavily. There are many things i would love to go see and buy etc, But i just cant with my very blood not understanding why. If i had friends interested in the same things it wouldn't be a problem, But i don't unfortunately and its just sheer luck that i am in contact with several rail enthusiasts. Currently in the family i am the 15 year old who spends his time on the computer supposedly anti social and bitter, And too a certain extent that would be an accurate description. But unfortunately i cant help it, Most of it is a self defense mechanism to try and protect my secret world that nobody understands. I act bitterly when my mum and dad ask me why i never want to leave the house, Little do they realize its there own way of being that's preventing me. I am just so damn scared to actually say it, And when i do its in a flurry of tears which distracts from the subject and a conclusive solution is never found. Its quite sad really and people who didn't know about all this would probably call me some sort of weirdo, I guess to an extent my self defense mechanisms give out that vibe but then i cant help that can i? My parent's do know where some of my interests lay, Mainly Railways and Anime. And they know the full extent of my railway thing, But they would never know just be watching me how deep my anime interests actually go. I'd be walking around with Totoro backpacks and Hatsune Miku messenger bags *despite my gender being male* if i could, But i find myself constantly stuck having to resort to buying the same type of stuff over and over. The whole situation conjures up several emotions in me, Anger, Sadness, Loneliness, And especially the feeling of helplessness, I am not sure if any of you guys have gone through similar problems at some point in your lives but i could really do with some advice here i would reeally reaaally appreciate it.
Thanks, Willow.
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 12.10.2012, 08:00 PM |
  
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dballred
Ohmu
Registration Date: 04.24.06
Location: Oklahoma City - Seattle - Tokyo
Posts: 406 |
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quote:
Originally posted by hopexx5
Of all the things that bother me routinely, And that is allot of things just saying. This particular subject is the biggest and most annoying to me, Apart from possibly social issues.
I've had to deal with it for a while now, And side effects include mistrust in my parents sometimes and the inability to talk openly to them. I am one of those people who have parents from a completely different era, And thus they don't fully understand or approve of the current way of things. My dad being from the closing months of the 50's and my mum from the 70's, Understandably things were very different in their childhoods compared to mine. They didn't have computers or musical devices, Or the massive amounts of entertainment supplied to us nowadays. My dad especially viewing things different to the 50's quite disapprovingly sometimes, Though i am not quite sure if he means it or not. My mum is more open and accepting of the current things, But even she doesn't understand it at times. In fact if it came down to it, I am the black sheep of the family. Either it be my dad or mums side, Or even my own brothers and cousins. My two little brothers having a strong interest in firearms and plain out violence, Im not calling them thugs but i just don't understand the whole kill death mane thing. My mum and dad being very interested in films over the ages, They an be casually seen watching films most people would of forgot years ago. My cousin is a social person and has little time for either me or the family. Me on the other hand, I am the only child who got interested in trains following on from my granddad. I am also the only person in the family that appreciates anime, and different cultures. I cannot fully be myself among them though, I have to compromise myself heavily. There are many things i would love to go see and buy etc, But i just cant with my very blood not understanding why. If i had friends interested in the same things it wouldn't be a problem, But i don't unfortunately and its just sheer luck that i am in contact with several rail enthusiasts. Currently in the family i am the 15 year old who spends his time on the computer supposedly anti social and bitter, And too a certain extent that would be an accurate description. But unfortunately i cant help it, Most of it is a self defense mechanism to try and protect my secret world that nobody understands. I act bitterly when my mum and dad ask me why i never want to leave the house, Little do they realize its there own way of being that's preventing me. I am just so damn scared to actually say it, And when i do its in a flurry of tears which distracts from the subject and a conclusive solution is never found. Its quite sad really and people who didn't know about all this would probably call me some sort of weirdo, I guess to an extent my self defense mechanisms give out that vibe but then i cant help that can i? My parent's do know where some of my interests lay, Mainly Railways and Anime. And they know the full extent of my railway thing, But they would never know just be watching me how deep my anime interests actually go. I'd be walking around with Totoro backpacks and Hatsune Miku messenger bags *despite my gender being male* if i could, But i find myself constantly stuck having to resort to buying the same type of stuff over and over. The whole situation conjures up several emotions in me, Anger, Sadness, Loneliness, And especially the feeling of helplessness, I am not sure if any of you guys have gone through similar problems at some point in your lives but i could really do with some advice here i would reeally reaaally appreciate it.
Thanks, Willow.
I'll be responding from a perspective of someone probebly older than our parents--though I can't quite figure that '50s thing. It's a biological reality that your parents love you, though you might not fully appreciate how your father shows it. Unless your from a reptilian family, your mother will always be there for you.
Your interests in anime and trains shouldn't be a problem with them--especially your father. Your father, no matter how old he might be, is still the kid he was long ago--believe me. The only thing in my life that has changed over the years is that I am better able to satisfy my whims thanks to a good education and a fairly well-payng job; I can buy the toys I like--provided I exercise the proper stealth as I try to sneak them in past the wife. ( "Oh, that? I've had that for months. Don't you remember?" )
Here's what I like--for being still a kid with a very long memory:
1. Certain cartoons. Saturday morning (possibly a US thing) cartoons are crap, but certain animated shorts they used to show in theaters (that I was too young for) that they subsequently syndicated and showed on television were great. Of those, my all-time favorites were Road Runner and nearly everything else with Mel Blanc's voice from Warner Brothers. Of the TV shows, I'd put Rocky and Bullwinke pretty far up there--as it was more cerebral than one might think.
2. Monster Sci-fi movies. I've still got a big place in my my heart for those monsters who would crumple cities. It's the normal male fascination with dinosaurs and never dies in us males as we mature. I always thought the Japanese stuff was cheesy with bad special effects, but certain others from Europe and America, such as Britain's Gorgo, kept me coming back to the theaters and later television for many more screenings.
3. Great animated films. Other than the original Japanesew dialog version of Spirited Away, one of my all-time favorite animated films was Disney's Pinocchio.
Basically, your dad and you probably have a lot in common--even though the time frame might be a bit skewed. Try to enjoy or appreciate something he liked as a kid and engage him in conversation about it. I'm sure he wants to connect with you, but you are of different ages and I'm sure you'll some day have kids and similar communications issues.
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| 12.11.2012, 04:49 AM |
 
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Roarkiller
Your Daddy-O
Registration Date: 06.03.03
Location: Home, resting...
Posts: 6077 |
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That... is a very big paragraph.
You're asking advice on parents not understanding what your hobbies are. Personally, I think as long as they ACCEPT your hobbies, assuming they aren't damaging, it doesn't matter if they understand or not.
Neither of my parents understand my hobby of Japanese culture and Pokemon. They can understand when I turn on anime movies because my tastes are pretty good, but they don't get why I spend so much time playing a "childish" card game.
But they accept it. And that's all that matters. Because they know I'm the most sensible amongst my siblings, and I know my priorities.
So my advice: As long as the things you do aren't harmful (either to yourself or others, or affect your daily life), and as long as your family accepts you for who you are, just be yourself.
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I am me.
I am who I am.
I am Roarkiller.
No one else is me.
Roarkiller.net
Isakaya High RPG Site
quote:
Originally posted by fenkashi
Screw your opinions, they are not relevant ^^.
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| 12.12.2012, 03:33 AM |
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foreignfilmfreak
Miyazaki's Best Friend
Registration Date: 10.02.06
Location: Japan
Posts: 7589 |
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I agree with Roar, what a big paragraph ye gots there..
As far as advice goes.. I've not really had similar problems. Yes, I've had many people misunderstand me and I've been so afraid for those misunderstandings to show up to my new friends, yet they accept me more readily than anyone else I've met.
I've been accused more than once for turning my back to my own culture and country. I'm often confused by this and it hurts me, because I love my country, but I'm not someone who believes in nationalism. I love my country but I know I won't live here all my life. And this has caused problems with my parents especially. It doesn't help that my boyfriend is from another country, and while my parents love him, my mother often worries I'll go far away and never return. I've also been told that he should drop his traditional ways by various people, and be more westernized. I don't really understand this.
I seem to be someone who can easily befriend those of other cultures before those from my own country. And it's not always me initiating the friendship. I guess I just have something that attracts other people to me that way. People think this is strange too sometimes.
My parents are both from the early 60s, but that hasn't really had any effect on how they view what I like. My best friends' parents have been terribly cruel to them this way though, and it has driven both of them, although they love their parents, to regret them. Their parents are also younger than mine. I don't think the era they were born will make them question what you like or not understand. I'm sure they would.
The way I got mine to realize what I liked was a constant interest. It all seems strange to people who don't know me, but when they come in contact, they realize just how much I love something and accept it as it is.
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| 12.12.2012, 11:27 AM |
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hopexx5
Totoro
Registration Date: 01.17.11
Location: UK
Posts: 698 |
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Sorry about the paragraph I got a bit carried away.
But thanks for all the advice so far, I managed to talk to my mum about how i'd like to buy things in the future albeit mainly clothing.
The response was positive thankfully so I guess things are looking up a bit.
Thanks again, Willow.
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| 12.12.2012, 06:33 PM |
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Koda
Ohmu
Registration Date: 07.09.13
Location: England
Posts: 454 |
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My parents are divorced, my Mum always accepted my hobbies. She knew it was what I liked, she never would say anything.
My Dad, even though I don't see him much, would always say it was childish or I need to grow up.
He is an officer in the Navy, he has been institutionalised, though I feel it may be that he wishes he was a child. He doesn't really know me very well, If I asked him questions about my personality he wouldn't be able to answer.
As long as they don't ruin it, then carry on. Would you rather they pretend to be interested and you know they are lying, or for them to be honest ?.
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"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge
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| 07.14.2013, 04:01 PM |
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