He just seemed to sit there, looking. Well..?

But he kept staring. Go on, give it a guess!

quote:

---

“Time. We never seem to have time.”

---

quote:

---

"Everybody matters to me. Hikari, I can't be like you. You seem to be so relaxed about this, as though you don't care who knows. I can't..."

---

quote:

---

“I’m not going anywhere. You have…all the time in the world.”

---

Post last edited by Maho_Fushida on 05.14.2008, 09:52 AM.

We reached the bathroom and there was an awkward moment where we both stood and watched the sliding door. I looked at her, wondering what she was waiting for, since she'd lead the way.

quote:

---

"You first. I'll wait."

---

I was grateful that she made no fuss and went breezing in, closing the door.

I stood back, leaning back on the handrail that led down to the stairwell.

Oh heck... I'm like this now... what will it be like in school? I tried not to think about that, instead I focused on how calm she was, how relaxed.

How can she be so cool when I'm so aware of everything?

I stood there feeling the air thick around me. I was suddenly very aware of my body, every inch of it. Instinct came and I folded my arms.

Behind the closed door I heard water running, splashing noises. I imagined her undressing...

Damn you! Will you just stop it?! In anger at myself I turned my back and stared at a picture hung above the staircase.

Moments later the door slid open.

quote:

---

"All yours. I'll wait till you're done."

---

Post last edited by Maho_Fushida on 05.14.2008, 09:54 AM.

"Yeah, let's," I smiled in response to hers' as she came out. We walked down the hall and it seemed so narrow. Much more narrow than it had seemed when we had walked up it. When we reached the stairs two seconds later, I breathed a sigh of relief and motioned, After you.

Post last edited by hikari on 05.18.2008, 09:12 PM.

As we were going down the stairs I stopped. Hand on the rail, I closed my eyes for a moment and drew in deep breaths. I made myself calm down, I made my heart rate slow and my breathing deep and certain.

You don’t have to be in this frenzy of apprehension all the time. Take it slow, you have forever, there is no rush and no need to fear anything. Be calm.

Enjoy this, just enjoy it.

I opened my eyes and turned, of course she had stopped behind me and was watching and waiting.

I smiled at her warmly. I found myself needing contact with her, I wanted to hold her hand, to be closer. It was insufferably painful being disconnected, like I’d had an arm chopped off. She kept touching me, little touches, poking my face, putting a hand in my hair.

You’re driving me… these little touches… don’t you see how crazy you make me? I nearly can’t control myself. My smile became a grin.

I thought again about the future… Mother… father… how do I tell you I’m like this? Your daughter of whom you are so proud and who you want to see married to a nice boy, bright, successful and handsome? And Jiro, just a child still? Do I even tell you? And what is it I’m like? These thoughts rattled inside me but right now I didn’t want to answer the questions. I didn’t want to get a grip on any of it anyway, it was all so sudden, everything so new, so… distracting. All I wanted right now was to hold this person, hold her and hold her and hold her forever so nothing would confuse me.

When I just hold you, nothing does.

Still grinning like an idiot I waved casually with my clothing bundled-arm, “It’s nothing. Come on.”

* * * * * * * * * *

We went outside and I slipped my shoes on and began to lead the way. Part way across the patio I stopped. She came up beside me and stopped too. For a moment I looked at the dark garden. Everyone had gone in the tents except Sadoru-san and Takako-san and they were by the dying fire in a deep embrace. I watched their silhouettes a moment – they were kissing. I thought how beautiful it looked.

I can have that now. I can have that, I want that…

I glanced up at the sky, the only light was the faint streetlamp from behind a tree, the dull fireglow and the moon that scudded behind clouds. The garden was dark and blue and mysterious.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” I whispered. My things were tucked under one arm, the other hand was free. What a co-incidence. Your free hand is the one nearest her. And…

I can do this…

I want to do this…

So I did. No-one was around, no-one who was looking, anyway. I moved it a few inches, and felt for her hand. I found it. That first tiny contact was like electricity, sheer power, a cable linked from her skin through my fingertips and direct to my heart. I slowly ran my fingers into hers, closing them gently around my prize. So warm…

Ah, the feel of you! Such a simple touch, yet it burns me so!

My hand made an infinitesmally small squeeze, I looked down at her, still whispering, “Hikari. Come to bed.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Leading her across the patio and grass we reached the tent, I kicked off my shoes and went in. I noticed someone lying on their back almost in the doorway, their head very nearly outside, the tent flap a little folded back. It was Na-chan, she might have been star-gazing but her eyes were closed and her face was serene and relaxed. I thought how sweet she looked, so child-like. Inside the tent someone had lit a nightlight in a glass jar so the tent wasn’t pitch black, there was enough light to see by.

Good. I want to see.

Still linked to my prize we stepped carefully around the sleeping bodies to the back of the tent, inside me a delightful tingling sensation of anticipation began. The power that came from her hand was making my heart run faster. I felt like a caveman who had gone in the forest and returning to his den had brought back the spoils of the hunt.

What a hunt it had been. And what spoils! I found myself grinning in the dim light, a half-crazed grin of happiness, I felt like my face would split open, my mood was so joyous. Even if nothing happens, even if we go straight to sleep, this will be the best night of my life.

Aren’t I lucky? Sadoru-san and Takako-san will be sleeping apart. Two girls have an advantage sometimes…! The thought made me shudder with glee.

At the back of the tent I dropped my things one handed on top of my bag and sank down to my knees. The pillows and blankets I’d stashed in the corner this afternoon –so long ago it seemed!– were still there.

I turned to her, still holding her hand, I couldn’t let go, touching her was my umbilical; it fed me everything I needed. I spoke in the lightest whisper, “Do you want to be against the wall, or on the outside?”

Ha, ha! It’s like being married! My near-insane grin just would not stop.

We made our way down the stairs and she stopped in front of me. I was two steps above the one she was standing on and this way, I was taller than her. I could see the top of her head and silky, still wet strands of hair. And behind the snaking strands of silk was her neck. Without any volition of my own, I’d stepped down one step so she was directly in front of me.

No…no, no, no! Don’t stop. If you stop…if you’re this close to me and you stop…

Before I knew it, my hand was poised to touch her. It hung there as my fingers extended and then retracted, hesitant. Soon they stopped moving all together and my hand just hung there. What are you thinking? I asked her, Tell me I’m not the only one…

Just then, she turned around and came face to face with my hand. I didn’t even need to think before stroking her cheek in response to her smile and asked, “What is it?”

quote:

---

“It’s nothing. Come on.”

---

Post last edited by hikari on 05.19.2008, 05:43 PM.

I was so wrapped up in myself, in so deep, so much a part of this drowning moment that I ran on autopilot, I made no decisions that I can remember, I simply moved, lifting pillows, shaking out blankets and folding them out flat. It’s hard to prepare two sleepng places one-handed but I managed it somehow. It could take an hour to get this space ready. I didn’t care, the option of letting go of her was not anywhere on any list I might have, jumping to touch the moon ranked higher.

Making two sleeping places one-handed is awkward, but even slower when the one hand you have free is shaking uncontrollably. And slower still when you are not looking what you are doing, not looking at all but staring at someone else. Staring at the prettiest calves and ankles in creation. I made myself work slowly trying to focus on this task and not on the girl next to me. It took more effort than I was capable of. Why bother? Why fight this need? Why indeed? So I stopped, the blankets lay there mostly unfolded, the pillows side by side were not straight.

Like me.

I am… mostly unfolded… I am… definitely not straight… Ha, you stupid! Stupid Maho! Stop thinking such utter drivel! I couldn’t… control myself, my heart was disintegrating, making up stupid word-play, my mind was going, my self control… in tatters. My crazy grin split my face and I began to giggle. My free hand I put up to my mouth to try and hold everything in, but I couldn’t. Silently emotion spilled out, silent giggles, bursting out I lost it completely. My body shook, not a sound came out, not one squeak but I shuddered and lurched, my shoulders shaking.

Is this joy? Is this what complete happiness feels like? If it was it was too good to keep to myself, this feeling was for sharing. I need... you. My hand holding hers pulled her over closer to me, the hand covering my mouth came away and reached blindly. It found a shoulder, an arm. It slid down the arm and pulled the elbow around and closer. I let go both hands and reaching round found a back, shoulders and lower still a narrow waist. I hugged all these places to me, my nostrils flared, filling with her intoxicating scent at the side of her neck, and still giggling silently and helplessly I fell sideways landing on a shoulder, pulling her down. I somehow freed a hand and scrabbled at a blanket or both blankets, I don’t remember and I don’t think it matters but within seconds we were somehow under the blankets and our heads were more or less facing the right way towards the pillows.

My arms went back around her.

I want… no, I need you. Closer, need. To. Be… Closer… clutching, squeezing, hugging, I want you, want you, want you…!

“Hikari.” my voice was low and broken between these mad giggles, I had no idea what I was going to say or even if words were needed, it just seemed right to say her name, even though the sound was less to do with my vocal cords and more to do with a sudden uncontrollable rasping rush of air. I suddenly found I was breathing not through my nose but my mouth and a funny hoarse breathy sound was coming out.

I relaxed this insane hug and let go a little, my head fell on the pillow still shaking, still grinning, I looked at her. She was so close I was tripping out. Her eyes contained two star points of light, glittering and dancing, two perfect moments of time that stopped everything, stopped all my reasons and worries, stopped fear, stopped the world, stopped any chance of escape or coherent thought.

What those eyes did not stop was my need. Or my tears which suddenly stood out on my lower eyelids in an instant.

“Hikari…”

In a drunken state of happiness I tumbled into the covers with her. We were graceless. All arms and legs and sharp corners as we fell. But it didn't matter because it felt like in our gracelessness we were stumbling into exactly the place where we meant to be. And as she held me there; she anchored me to this place of belonging. I felt like I belonged there in her arms like I had never belonged anywhere. Not at home with my family. Not with my friends. And never with myself. My own arms wrapped themselves around her...my Maho.

And the world be damned if I ever let go.

Never.

A strange breathy sound came out of her mouth, sounding a lot like my name and it tingled my senses. And I let her push me back so I could see her face. The tears on her lashes mirrored the ones on mine and her face looked strangely dark with the light behind her. I pushed away the pieces of hair that had dared to fall into her face. Beautiful...beautiful face...

Catching the tear on her lashes on my finger, I flicked it away and smiled at her. All the people I'd ever liked had made me feel uncertain and hesitant, out of place like I'd stepped onto a foreign land that I had no knowledge of.

But with Maho...

Liking Maho...

I locked eyes with her and spoke to her with my gaze, Liking you...is like coming home. Touching you is like being reborn and being with you...being with you is like living.

I'm sorry...sorry I ever hurt you, turned you away...I couldn't help it. This feeling of happiness, belonging...of coming home and being welcomed...it's so foreign that I was scared. But now that I've experienced it, nothing and no one can keep me from it. No nothing can keep you from me because...well, you are me. You're my other half. Somehow, I'm so sure of it. You're the rest of me that I've been waiting for, without ever knowing. You complete me and inspire me.

I could...I think I could make you my reason for living. With you, I could be invincible.

One day, I thought to myself, One day...I'll tell you that.

A grin settled on my lips even after the thought had passed and I felt at such ease, having made this mental confession to her. It didn't matter if she'd heard or not. All that mattered was that she was here. With me. I snuggled agaist her once more, giving her a sloppy, childish kiss on her cheek before hiding my face in her neck and mumbling, "Magical...you really are magic..."

I heard my name and moved to look at her again, despite my reluctance to let go. "Hm?" I questioned wordlessly. Looking into her eyes, I found a need for something. What do you need? I'll get if for you, anything...just say the word.

Just please, don't let this be a dream. Please don't let it be a lie. Please...please let it be real.

Post last edited by hikari on 05.20.2008, 10:19 PM.

She wiped away my gathering tears and I blinked the rest aside, but stopped suddenly because a blink interrupted my view and I refused to let even the blink of an eye take away one fragment of this moment, this vision, this heaven. Still silently chuckling I watched her watching me, she was quiet and still and a knowing smile ghosted her lips.

What are you thinking? I wish I knew, I wish I could be in your head right now.

And stay there. For ever, a perfect connection, knowing you like you know yourself.

But then… if I had that, I’d have no need to speak with you, to ask you questions about yourself. If I could see into your head I’d have no need to reach out and touch you to get your attention and see you turn, see the light move across your hair and see your eyes widen when you saw me there. Most of all I’d have no need to ask “How are you?” And hear your “I’m fine”, meaningless though such exchanges are, I want them all the time. I want to ask you a hundred times a day “how are you?” Just to hear your voice. If I could read your mind I’d never need to hear your voice, you’d not need to use it, and I won’t have that. I want to hear you!

Her smile spread into a grin that reflected my own. I was still entranced enjoying the transformation that change of expression brought over her face when she moved, snuggling closer (if that were possible: it turned out to my surprise that it was) and planting a wet brief kiss on my cheek. My heart started again in shock at the touch and even as she approached my head had begun to turn, a sixth sense knowing what she was going to do and where she would do it and my heart skipping and lurching and asking her silently to kiss me in another place.

But she kissed and pressed by, her face against my neck.

Which was fine.

Because that meant my face found her neck.

We are like two pieces of a jigsaw, shaped perfectly, we fit together.

You are so close! Ara, the distraction of it! How close can we be? Come closer!

(if that were possible: again it turned out to my surprise that that was too) Close so close I pressed, my arms across her back, one hand pulled her to me at her shoulders the other slid down to her waist and with an eager strength I didn’t know I had, pulled her in close there too so our stomachs joined.

So close… I want you closer, I need to be in you, I need to be you.

Our legs touched too and I had a twinge of annoyance, bedsocks! Baka! Why’d you wear them? It’s not like you’ll be cold or even care if you are. Now you can’t feel the skin of her legs. Moron! I cursed myself that I’d cheated myself out of such a delicious treat. I had to learn a few basics here.

Still… bedsocks or not… one of my legs curled around hers, drawing us closer there too.

After she had kissed me and nuzzled my neck my silent wish to hear her voice was answered. A gentle mumbled

quote:

---

"Magical...you really are magic..."

---

Post last edited by Maho_Fushida on 05.21.2008, 06:01 AM.

We held each other and there was hope in the desperation that we clung with. Together, we were perfect, complete. And I felt so...so in need of that completion. She seemed to answer my need by pulling me closer, mirroring it. The more I felt her beside me, the more I feared that this was unreal. A dream. For surely, only in dreams could a person be so whole. I needed a sign...some proof that this was tangible. And again, she answered my mental cry, with her voice this time.

quote:

---

“Silly... this isn’t, no deception now. Nothing now. Just us. Hikari…”

“I’m so happy, so happy! You make me so happy!”

“So long. So long I waited for this… for you… and now you’re here.”

“Now it starts. We start.”

---

It went on and on like it would never stop, hugs so strong I could hardly breathe. Which was fine, I could die here right now, drowning in happiness.

quote:

---

"I wish you were with me...always..."

---

Post last edited by Maho_Fushida on 05.22.2008, 08:44 AM.

quote:

---

“Want sleep?”

---

Soft and warm, soft and warm, and becoming drowsy, each time she speaks or breathes the scent of her and… her toothpaste… minty and fresh… wash me, caress me to sleep… I was going, my voice soft and listless, stringing thoughts one behind another was becoming hard… and speaking… even harder…

“Ara, when we were dancing… you bound me… to play you a song. I agreed… I will, I will do that… Mahorin promises… Ah… but only if you’d do something for me… you owe me… remember?”

quote:

---

“Ara, when we were dancing… you bound me… to play you a song. I agreed… I will, I will do that… Mahorin promises… Ah… but only if you’d do something for me… you owe me… remember?”[/i][/b]

---

“I want to call in my favour... It’s only a little one,” I unwound one arm from her and opening my eyes to see where I was touching, brought the hand up to her face, with the pad of one finger I gently tapped the tip of her nose, “I’m sure you’re more than capable… ne?” Drifting, my mind, like a cloud in a breeze… going…

“Hmmm… I would like, I would like… for a long time I’ve never had… a goodnight kiss…” My eyes closed… warm, warm arms, warm breath, soft pillow, here… in your arms… I want to sleep… To sleep…

“Hikari... kiss me goodnight…”

I listened to what she wanted and couldn't help smiling. "So demanding..." I grinned teasingly before doing as she asked. I really had no energy for this. Sleep was calling as I propped myself up a little and reached forward to kiss her. I'd meant to do it properly, I really had but being half-asleep as I was, I missed, catching the corner of her mouth with a chaste kiss.

I didn't care. I'd done as she asked so I fell back and my eyes closed themselves. My last thought was, "Goodnight Maho..."

I felt an angel touch my chin, her lips light as… as… a dream… “No… no… baa-kaa, you missed….”

I’m too far gone, I can’t… hm…

“Hmmm… Hikari… goodnight… ” My eyes were already closed, they had been for several minutes, now my mind closed too and my arms hugging around her slackened, the muscles relaxed and went limp.

I did not know this, for in an instant I knew nothing more, but my arms didn’t let go…

Ara… Hikari… Don’t go to the station… Don’t catch the train… Don’t leave me… I want to tell you that I… How much… For you I would… Give up everything… This piece of paper... On it is written… everything…

. . .

Sleep.

. . .

Post last edited by Maho_Fushida on 05.22.2008, 11:18 AM.

(several hours of the night pass)




Ama is in the space near Kijiku. Ama is not there, not in the way these creatures understand the meaning of location, but Ama is near. Kijiku is in repose. That state of physical inactivity they enter for a part of each planetary rotation. Their physical bodies require rest, a simple thing and Ama understands why they and all other animals do this. During this state of physical rest their minds do not rest but remain active. Interestingly active. Kijiku is very active now. Ama does his task. Ama observes. If Ama could understand pleasure Ama would feel pleasure. Ama knows what pleasure is, Ama is learning many things now and the causes and processes of pleasure and the responses to it are quantifiable. In that way it can be said that Ama is pleased. Not pleased the way these creatures know pleasure but Ama is pleased in the way Ama is pleased.

Into Kijiku’s mind Ama places an impulse the response to which Ama wishes to observe. Soon after Kijiku leaves the state of repose and becomes physically active once more this impulse will initiate and convert to a physical desire. Kijiku will satisfy that physical desire. Ama will observe. The weather conditions will be fortuitously appropriate.

Ama is in the space near Kodo-Ra. Ama observes. Ama is still cautious about Kodo-Ra. The effect of Kodo-Ra’s proximity to Kijiku is generating satisfactory responses. Ama is pleased.

Ama is in the space near Aigyo-Aoi. Ama observes. Ama is… concerned. Aigyo-Aoi’s physical container shows a temperature increase, she has a fever. Ibuki Hiromi enters the space near Aigyo-Aoi. Ibuki Hiromi is weak and new. The period of transition is not yet complete. Ibuki Hiromi is not yet able to be in the space near Aigyo-Aoi fully. Soon Ibuki Hiromi will be.

Ama and Ibuki Hiromi greet each other. Ama and Ibuki Hiromi exchange information. Ibuki Hiromi departs the space near Aigyo-Aoi. Ibuki Hiromi returns to Oya. Ama watches over Aigyo-Aoi further.

Ama is in the space near Kansha-Sa, Ama observes.

Ama is in the space near Hazu-Hi, Ama observes. Ama is concerned. Hanotomo Soichiro is not in the space near Hazu-Hi. Hanotomo Soichiro is not yet able to be in that space. Hanotomo Soichiro is too weak. Ama is satisfied that the period of transition will continue and complete as necessary.

Ama moves between the spaces near each creature. Ama stops to observe each one.

Ama is pleased. The Joining is progressing satisfactorily.

Ama is in the space near Kuru-Ma and Hanko-Hi. Ama observes. Kuru-Ma and Hanko-Hi are in physical repose but not apart like the others. Kuru-Ma and Hanko-Hi have physical contact while in repose. Ama observes. Ama finds new information from the active minds of Kuru-Ma and Hanko-Hi. Ama is… surprised. Ama notes that Kuru-Ma and Hanko-Hi are of the same gender that divides these creatures into two groups. Ama observes.

Ama is in the space near Kijiku. Ama waits for the period of repose her physical container requires to end. Ama knows this will happen a short period after the planetary rotation brings the sun above the horizon again.

Another day. Ama is pleased.




[Ama Mizu = rain water.
Kijiku = key, the name the Mihariban give to Natsuba.
Kodo-Ra = (from kodoku = loneliness), the name the Mihariban give to Rakuin.
Aigyo-Aoi = loving (as in a loving nature), the name the Mihariban give to Aoi.
Kansha-Sa = gratitude, the name the Mihariban give to Sadoru.
Hazu-Hi = (from hazuhashii = shyness), the name the Mihariban give to Hibiki.
Kuru-Ma = (from kurui = confusion or kurizaku = to bloom out of season), the name the Mihariban give to Maho.
Hanko-Hi = defiance, the name the Mihariban give to Hikari.
Oya = in Shinto the Japanese people are held to be the children of the kami, and as such the kami are their ultimate ancestors. Norinaga used the term oya-ko to describe this divine ancestral link, where oya means one who gives birth, and ko, one who is born.

Generally in ancient times, oya referred not only to one’s father and mother, but also to one’s ancestors in any distant generation. There are many indications of this in the old writings. Thus the father and the mother represented only one generation of the oya in the above sense. But since they are the most intimate oya among others, they came to monopolise the name oya in later ages … Likewise, ko did not simply mean one’s own children, but also one’s descendents in successive generations.

When Ama states that Ibuki Hiromi returned to Oya it might indicate a return to a place of the ancestors, a ‘home’ of sorts.]

[Note: ‘Norinaga’ is Moto-ori Norinaga who developed, in the Tokugawa Period, the currently accepted core ideas that inform our understanding of "natural" Shinto. The Tokugawa period is also known as the Edo Period, 1603-1868 by western calendars.

I am putting this information in here as it would be known by Japanese high school students and without this you won’t understand the significance of the word Oya Ama uses.

Also please note, the Shinto expressions do not necessarily indicate that the Mihariban are kami in the accepted Shinto system, I’m just using these terms to help the players get an understanding of what they might be. This isn’t a straight depiction of Shinto-ism.]

Post last edited by Ama_Mizu on 05.23.2008, 10:00 AM.