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hopexx5
Totoro
Registration Date: 01.17.11
Location: UK
Posts: 698 |
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I have never had a girlfriend so i cant say I have any experience in this field, I'm a loner in that respect in more ways than one.
But as others have pointed it, I do notice some force and force is never a good thing.
Sorry if this was quite a basic comment, But again I have never had a girlfriend.
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Post last edited by hopexx5 on 02.06.2013, 09:24 PM.
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 02.06.2013, 09:23 PM |
  
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Mush
Baron
Registration Date: 07.30.07
Location: South of Canada
Posts: 1810 |
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quote:
Originally posted by Tea Master Tall
I value the relationship for a lot more than just that[...] And I don't really want her to feel obligated to kiss me... I only kiss her, because that's how I feel. Anyway, it's not like it's the only thing I care about, I love just hanging out with her, but if the lack of affection persists for too long I think it's going to bother me too much... In the meantime, I'll just try to please her the best I can.
TMT,
Don't feel discouraged.  It seems like there's a range of different opinions, but if mine is worth anything, it sounds like you have qualities that would make for being a great boyfriend. I disagree with those who think it was a mistake to say you wanted to kiss her (that's how my first kiss went, and maybe it's not Hollywood where a kiss just magically happens, but it's way better than being slurped by surprise).
I can't tell what her feelings are, but to me, good communication is never a 'turn off', and your best option is to talk things over openly instead of brooding about what kind of secret message might be hidden beneath her behaviour. But then again, you said that she seems to get annoyed when you bring it up. It sounds like she's the one who has to work on communicating openly ^^||. Anyway, if you're getting a sense that she doesn't want things to get physical, then maybe she's very shy about physical contact, especially if you're her first boyfriend. Kissing well is, uh, something that takes practice...
It's also possible -- I mean I hate these chains of speculation but it's just because I don't have much information -- but maybe she's trying to keep things from getting physical because she's worried it might get out of control. As I'm sure you're aware, there's a nasty stereotype that all men want from a relationship is sex, and will do anything to get it. *Cough*. Now, you know what your boundaries are, and you know that you don't want to pressure her into anything. But maybe she doesn't know that about you? And so she might be trying to keep some distance.
Or not, I dunno. I pretty much agree with NC about this stuff. I just want to tell you to do your best to communicate, and if communication bothers her, that's maybe a more important issue than kissing. But of course, give her space when she needs it. After all there's other things than you going on in her life, like maybe she's stressed by university applications or something, and it's hard to deal with boyfriends at the same time.
@saviour -- I'm not really sure what to make of what you're writing. Every time I read it I get a different message. If you're saying not to interpret sexy clothes as girl inviting rape, then good for you; that's an important message and I'm glad it's made it your way. I'd like to say it's totally dead-sensible common knowledge out here but unfortunately we aren't quite that far along yet. I have a feeling that TMT has a handle on that stuff.
Oh, and one other thing, for saviour. Look closely and think deeply. quote:
No offense towards the less girly girls.
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Post last edited by Mush on 02.06.2013, 10:41 PM.
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| 02.06.2013, 10:38 PM |
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saviour2012
Baron
Registration Date: 02.24.12
Location: Dhaka,Bangladesh
Posts: 1749 |
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offtopic
I think I have always said that girls wearing openly are not asking for sex but that is not how men sees it because of media.Because in media girls are for that thing(persuading for sex) most of the time.In other word media represents women as a object of desire. And that is the reason of most of the problems. So I was saying that the girls should not wear that kind of dress. and then my argument breaks as I am asking girls should not wear that kind of dress. But i do not understand why. Cause if my cars get stolen by a thief because I did not locked it then even if I get the car back who is to blame for the tensions that I beared by filing a report bla bla bla .
---------------------------------------
If all of you do not understand how media changed our thought? then read the post where I explained how our attitude toward certain regular word have changed because of porn.
+++++++++++++++++++++ there's a
nasty stereotype that all
men want from a
relationship is sex
+++++++++++++++++++++
You are quite right maybe some men are like that. I mean most of the people I know home and abroad ,foreign or local think similarly. Maybe that is a obstacle for my thinking. But I think at a certain age (14-25) man (not most of the woman) thinks the primary reason for having a relationship is sex. After that period is mental peace, family property and many other complex things come first.
LOVE IS A QUITE DIFFERENT THING THAN ATTRACTION. IF YOU THINK LOVE IN FIRST SIGHT IS POSSIBLE THEN OUR THINKING IS QUITE DIFFERENT.I THINK LOVE IS THE ATTRACTION FOR PERSONS ATTITUDE THINKING AND IDEOLOGY WITH NO RELATION WITH GENDER.
For that thinking I might never understand the love of men and women.
And lastly
I might have placed the phrase wrongly, I don't know. cause I wrote that being very tired and on a mobile. But what I wanted to say that most of the girls do not do many stuff that boys do everyday. So while girls can think about those complex feelings guys can't . But as less girly girls almost does the same things as guys do ,I said them not to take offense of my wording that they do not do many stuff.
Offtopic
after reviewing several of my recent post I found that they are of very bad quality I think its because I do not have the time mostly energy to sit and think about something minutely.Most of the words came spontaneously as I typed. So I am sorry.
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Watch everything but only take the good things from it
Ask, think and learn. Because the more we know the more we grow.
Watching the wrong to happen is the same as commiting the wrong.
If it looks like things are forcing you to be creative, Then be creative.
its a uniquely Miyazaki film, one only he could make and its uniqueness places it beyond being easily critiqued.[About Porco Rosso]
taken from a quote of Saddletank and Orphic Okapi
Post last edited by saviour2012 on 02.07.2013, 05:06 AM.
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| 02.07.2013, 04:58 AM |
 
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Nausicaa_Cat
Baron
Registration Date: 10.02.06
Location:
Posts: 3198 |
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Thank you Saviour, for elaborating on your point. You're correct in that there is a perpetuation of the idea that men are 'only after one thing' - it's a cliché - but I would disagree that it's correct. Some young men are uninterested in relationships, and are just after sex, but that's because of those guys own intimacy issues rather than because they're male. There are women who don't want to form commitment's either.
And 'less girly girls'?
Oh, Saviour. I can assure you that femininity is deeply connected to sensuality and sexuality, and a girl is by no mean's more feminine for being chaste - not that she is any less feminine either. Choosing to engage in sex is simply a personal choice, which has no bearing on a girl's 'girly-ness'. I understand though that you have a different cultural perspective of the matter, and you have been raised to view certain qualities as unfeminine/feminine. I expect we're looking at the matter from two vastly different perspectives with little hope of convincing the other.
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| 02.07.2013, 10:39 AM |
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Mush
Baron
Registration Date: 07.30.07
Location: South of Canada
Posts: 1810 |
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saviour - check your PMs. 
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| 02.07.2013, 11:09 PM |
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Roarkiller
Your Daddy-O
Registration Date: 06.03.03
Location: Home, resting...
Posts: 6077 |
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I can't even begin to explain how none of you are even on the same page on any of the points 
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I am who I am.
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quote:
Originally posted by fenkashi
Screw your opinions, they are not relevant ^^.
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| 02.08.2013, 01:27 PM |
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husky51
The Old Guy
Registration Date: 03.17.08
Location: Southern California
Posts: 12799 |
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| 02.08.2013, 01:38 PM |
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Nausicaa_Cat
Baron
Registration Date: 10.02.06
Location:
Posts: 3198 |
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quote:
Originally posted by Roarkiller
I can't even begin to explain how none of you are even on the same page on any of the points
You know I think I've come to the point where I am just cheerfully resigned to the fact that that is the case for 99% of all debates that go on in this forum.
Though I would disagree to the extent that I think me and Mush are of a similar frame of mind.
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| 02.08.2013, 04:12 PM |
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husky51
The Old Guy
Registration Date: 03.17.08
Location: Southern California
Posts: 12799 |
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| 02.08.2013, 05:21 PM |
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Saddletank
Miyazaki's Best Friend
Registration Date: 09.28.06
Location: On your case
Posts: 10069 |
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quote:
Originally posted by Roarkiller
I can't even begin to explain how none of you are even on the same page on any of the points
Strange. For me Mush and NC have addressed things exactly. I'm puzzled how you can think they haven't.
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Isakaya High School Roleplaying Info
"An old man like me stands no chance fighting against a high school girl in her underwear" - Oshino Meme, Nekomonogatari (Kuro)
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| 02.09.2013, 11:10 PM |
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saviour2012
Baron
Registration Date: 02.24.12
Location: Dhaka,Bangladesh
Posts: 1749 |
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I think we need to get back on the point. Teamaster I am sorry if our debate faded your thread.
@mush
I replied.
__________________
Watch everything but only take the good things from it
Ask, think and learn. Because the more we know the more we grow.
Watching the wrong to happen is the same as commiting the wrong.
If it looks like things are forcing you to be creative, Then be creative.
its a uniquely Miyazaki film, one only he could make and its uniqueness places it beyond being easily critiqued.[About Porco Rosso]
taken from a quote of Saddletank and Orphic Okapi
Post last edited by saviour2012 on 02.10.2013, 09:15 AM.
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| 02.10.2013, 09:11 AM |
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Roarkiller
Your Daddy-O
Registration Date: 06.03.03
Location: Home, resting...
Posts: 6077 |
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quote:
Originally posted by Saddletank
Strange. For me Mush and NC have addressed things exactly. I'm puzzled how you can think they haven't.
Oh, I'm not talking about the girls' agreement with each other. I'm talking about their "interpretation" of saviour's argument. For example, "less girly girls", which I can assure you he was not referring to a girl's feminity.
As in, it's hard to believe that members here are even aware anymore of Saviour's poor grasp of English. What he says and what he means are sometimes different because of that; that's what I mean.
But I guess it's a lot easier for me since I live in a country where English is butchered beyond recognition, and have been to neighbouring countries like Malaysia and Thailand where it's even worse, yet am continually exposed to western speech and culture thanks to the dozens of online chatrooms and forums AND real-life friends from the west. So I'm kinda forced to experience all the crazy cultural nuances (don't get me started on religious differences) and learn how to interpret and translate them between different people.
It's an acquired skill so I can't really blame anyone.
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I am me.
I am who I am.
I am Roarkiller.
No one else is me.
Roarkiller.net
Isakaya High RPG Site
quote:
Originally posted by fenkashi
Screw your opinions, they are not relevant ^^.
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| 02.11.2013, 01:27 AM |
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Tea Master Tall
Totoro
Registration Date: 04.01.07
Location: United States
Posts: 730 |
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Well, we broke up now. It's for the better that we separated. We just had completely different needs/expectations for the relationship and we ended up just criticizing each other for things we couldn't change... And your supposed to love someone for exactly who they are... So, yeah. I'm still attached, kind of trying and failing to get over her... But, although I'm gloomy right now, I know it was a better decision for the future. I mean... it could've been worse. We at least broke up in a friendly way, and now I have experience, I guess...
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| 02.22.2013, 01:01 AM |
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husky51
The Old Guy
Registration Date: 03.17.08
Location: Southern California
Posts: 12799 |
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| 02.22.2013, 04:11 AM |
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Roarkiller
Your Daddy-O
Registration Date: 06.03.03
Location: Home, resting...
Posts: 6077 |
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I never had a girlfriend.
But I did have a rejection.
Sorry for your loss.
__________________
I am me.
I am who I am.
I am Roarkiller.
No one else is me.
Roarkiller.net
Isakaya High RPG Site
quote:
Originally posted by fenkashi
Screw your opinions, they are not relevant ^^.
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| 02.24.2013, 01:33 PM |
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Tea Master Tall
Totoro
Registration Date: 04.01.07
Location: United States
Posts: 730 |
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I'm not in love with her anymore... Once I started realizing it was basically her unrealistic thinking that the relationship wouldn't take work or effort that was the biggest problem which ultimately caused it to end. She didn't have any expectations of herself or I, and I realized that if she didn't then she never really wanted a romantic relationship in the first place. So, it kind of made me mad that even though she didn't want to work for it, she stayed with me for the whole time, until I finally couldn't stand it. So, yeah, we're still pretty good friends I guess... But, I'm over us as a couple, because it's kind of hard to ignore someone's imperfections when they are directly associated with having a relationship, and in a good relationship, you should be able to ignore, or at least deal with, the other person's imperfections. I couldn't. And she couldn't either, even though it wasn't my being "sensitive" that was really the problem, lol it was her not having any expectations... So, I'm glad it ended, only wish it had sooner.
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| 03.09.2013, 03:57 PM |
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husky51
The Old Guy
Registration Date: 03.17.08
Location: Southern California
Posts: 12799 |
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| 03.09.2013, 04:03 PM |
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fenkashi
Dibs on Supreme Overlord
Registration Date: 08.12.07
Location: Canada
Posts: 5727 |
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Late, but sorry things didn't work Tea =(
Relationships are hard enough... but when one person does not know what they want out of it and don't try to figure it out, they don't tend to end well. I think you handled things very maturely.
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| 03.12.2013, 07:53 AM |
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