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Tea Master Tall
Totoro
Registration Date: 04.01.07
Location: United States
Posts: 730 |
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I was wondering if I could get some help from you guys on tavern. I really like this girl, but she's a senior and I'm a freshman. It's about a 3 year age difference. We're pretty close friends, and I just feel like I can talk to her about anything, but she's going to be graduating soon. I want to try dating her when I'm older and stuff, thus making it less weird, but by then I don't know if it would even work out...
Also, I know she views me as a really good friend, though I can't really say whether her feelings would extend farther than that or not. I'm leaning towards the latter, just because of the age difference and all, but I can't really say for sure... The only way I could really find out would be by asking her out, but that would be awkward to do right now, while we're both still in school, I think.
So, yeah.
I'm not sure what to do.
I feel like giving up trying, just because it seems like all the odds are against me.
If anyone's ever been in a similar situation or has some words of advice, it would be much appreciated.
Thank you.
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 11.16.2012, 01:52 PM |
   
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Roarkiller
Your Daddy-O
Registration Date: 06.03.03
Location: Home, resting...
Posts: 6077 |
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Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
Go for it. Don't be regretful like me.
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I am me.
I am who I am.
I am Roarkiller.
No one else is me.
Roarkiller.net
Isakaya High RPG Site
quote:
Originally posted by fenkashi
Screw your opinions, they are not relevant ^^.
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| 11.16.2012, 08:38 PM |
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saviour2012
Baron
Registration Date: 02.24.12
Location: Dhaka,Bangladesh
Posts: 1749 |
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I think most of the youngsters among us are getting matured as they are trying to get into relationship
@Saddle and Husky
please make a post on why people want to get into romantic possibilities.
Although i act like jack of all kind of stupid. I actually do not understand why except for for having s** and having a child. I do understand some other aspects but overall i believe it is those two that makes men and women get along and make a family. So it is my request to the senior most members and people experienced of love to say something about it.
__________________
Watch everything but only take the good things from it
Ask, think and learn. Because the more we know the more we grow.
Watching the wrong to happen is the same as commiting the wrong.
If it looks like things are forcing you to be creative, Then be creative.
its a uniquely Miyazaki film, one only he could make and its uniqueness places it beyond being easily critiqued.[About Porco Rosso]
taken from a quote of Saddletank and Orphic Okapi
Post last edited by saviour2012 on 11.16.2012, 09:24 PM.
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| 11.16.2012, 09:24 PM |
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Kazegami
Miyazaki's Best Friend
Registration Date: 08.19.07
Location: a world of pure imagination
Posts: 7025 |
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quote:
Originally posted by saviour2012
I actually do not understand why except for for having s** and having a child. I do understand some other aspects but overall i believe it is those two that makes men and women get along and make a family.
If those are really your true thoughts... that's kind of pitiful. Love is about emotions, not sex and babies. Many couples are very happy without children, and if sex is the only thing holding you together then there's something really wrong in your relationship.
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| 11.16.2012, 09:40 PM |
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Calforsale
Totoro
Registration Date: 01.19.10
Location: Sydney, Australia
Posts: 866 |
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quote:
Originally posted by Roarkiller
Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.
+1
Also i don't think you should care too much about the age difference. Its just a few years. Its not like shes 50 or something lol.
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| 11.16.2012, 10:51 PM |
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saviour2012
Baron
Registration Date: 02.24.12
Location: Dhaka,Bangladesh
Posts: 1749 |
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quote:
Originally posted by Kazegami
If those are really your true thoughts... that's kind of pitiful. Love is about emotions, not sex and babies. Many couples are very happy without children, and if sex is the only thing holding you together then there's something really wrong in your relationship.
I agree with you 100% .I know that too. But what i do not understand is why this exchange of emotions has to be with some different gender.[please do not let the unscientific gay issue here]. What brings them together? cause with a good friend emotions can be shared too. I really think it is that s** and raising children that makes men and women life partner. I do not want to ruin tea master's thread. I do not have time right now so cant make a new thread.
__________________
Watch everything but only take the good things from it
Ask, think and learn. Because the more we know the more we grow.
Watching the wrong to happen is the same as commiting the wrong.
If it looks like things are forcing you to be creative, Then be creative.
its a uniquely Miyazaki film, one only he could make and its uniqueness places it beyond being easily critiqued.[About Porco Rosso]
taken from a quote of Saddletank and Orphic Okapi
Post last edited by saviour2012 on 11.17.2012, 02:25 AM.
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| 11.17.2012, 02:25 AM |
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husky51
The Old Guy
Registration Date: 03.17.08
Location: Southern California
Posts: 12799 |
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First of all, I would like to know what age you are talking about. High School? University? I believe that you are referring to the first, but I'm not sure.
If you feel that you can talk to this young lady, then simply tell her. I have never been in this position myself, but have had many relationships where I could talk to these women that I knew very well. About all i can advise is to just be yourself and ask. As the saying goes, nothing ventured, nothing gained. You are wise to believe that nothing might come of it, but you can always try. Just be honest with her. About the only backfire in this is if the friendship is broken up. That is the risk you take.
If university, then the age difference is not such a problem.
The choice is yours as to how you want to proceed. regardless, good luck, my friend.
What do the younger men and women think? Am I being old-fashioned in my ideas?
Edit:
OK, I looked at your profile and know the age now... I don't see where it changes things that I've said...
BTW, you have the same birthdate as my youngest son, just a diff year.
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Post last edited by husky51 on 11.17.2012, 03:31 AM.
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| 11.17.2012, 03:21 AM |
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fenkashi
Dibs on Supreme Overlord
Registration Date: 08.12.07
Location: Canada
Posts: 5732 |
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quote:
Originally posted by saviour2012
[please do not let the unscientific gay issue here].
ARGH. There needs to be a report button for bigotry and ignorance. People of different sexualities have the same emotions as heterosexuals. If you're going to say things like "unscientific" please back it up with some science that you found in a peer-reviewed journal. I am pretty sure our ideas of science are quite different.
quote:
I really think it is that s** and raising children that makes men and women life partner.
There would BE no life partners if it was based on sex and children. When you get older, your sex drive decreases, your partner's sexual attractiveness decreases, and your children leave. And yet there are people committed to each other till they die.
In western culture, at least, the norm is that you have sex and children because of the emotions. Even if you end up in a relationship because of lust, that is not a reason for staying in that relationship.
That said, not all life partnerships are based on love. There are people in the world that have arranged marriages and commit to each other that way. In those cases it is about children, sex, stability, securing a future and for some, the potential for love. Others get lonely or don't have hope for finding love and they decide to commit themselves to someone they might not love but get along with. There are of course people that become life partners because they feel they do not have a choice - the reasons that come to mind are unexpected pregnancies and people in the closet/denial about their sexualities).
Anyway, a life partner is decision, but different people make that decision for various reasons.
Also I am a little confused about your question. Half the time the words you use make it seem like you're asking the following:
If you're looking for someone to explain why a person would choose to stay with someone for life on the basis of love? Well... good luck with that. Your experiences give meaning to the word love. So I believe that you need to experience love to understand it. I hope you do, one day.
And the other half, it seems like you want to know why people fall in love at all. Which is just as hard a question. There are the reasons people have for loving a person...which, again, you can only understand once you've felt them. But beyond that, it's just an emotion. It is like asking why people have feelings.
You give the example of friendship... well, tell me why people have friendships? Tell me why people have family? Human beings are social creatures. We have different levels of relationships with each other and to truly understand each level, you need to experience it. The relationships we value most (family, friends, romantic partners), all provide basically the same thing with some tweaks. If you are going to question our nature, then I don't think it is fair to single out romantic love.
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One other thing, not all romantic possibilities are about finding a life partner xP
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And most importantly, Tall! I think you should at least tell her how you feel. If she doesn't feel the same way, and you're good friends... it'll help you move on together. And maybe you can revisit the idea later. Also, in your favour, there is nothing better to get someone to think about you than letting them know you're thinking about them.
Even if it takes her by surprise and she rejects the idea initially, she will think about the possibility at some point (coming from personal experience).
Good luck!
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| 11.17.2012, 06:08 AM |
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Saddletank
Miyazaki's Best Friend
Registration Date: 09.28.06
Location: On your case
Posts: 10069 |
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Tall, I support what Husky and Fen have said. You should at least express your feelings to her, or you could approach things on a more casual level and see if she'd like to meet up outside achool - go on a date. It need not be anything complicated or subtle - window shopping together in town is a fun activity with maybe a light lunch or just a coffee.
Doing that will at least let you know if she's interested in taking things that one stage further - friendship outside of the school setting and it will allow both of you to experience a new side to the other person (again, that out of school thing).
If things are going well and you find you have fun together I would suggest you tell her your feelings on maybe the 2nd or 3rd date.
By then she will have far more understanding of you as a person on which to think about a response rather than what she has now which I presume is based on just dealing with school work or issues together.
You do know her quite well already, yes? This is someone you're already talking to and not a love from afar?
@ Saviour - lets leave this thread for Tall and his friend and his needs. We can talk about the whole gamut of human emotions, needs, love and relationships somewhere else. This isn't the thread for it.
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Isakaya High School Roleplaying Info
"An old man like me stands no chance fighting against a high school girl in her underwear" - Oshino Meme, Nekomonogatari (Kuro)
Post last edited by Saddletank on 11.17.2012, 09:24 AM.
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| 11.17.2012, 09:23 AM |
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arren18
Administrator
Registration Date: 08.15.06
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 10669 |
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I think the age gap isn't really a big problem in itself, but if she's graduating soon that could be a bit tricky. I suggest that you try to tell her fairly soon, before she leaves school, so that she knows sooner rather than later. Then if she's interested you might manage to work something out, and if she isn't, well, at least you know. If you leave it until after she's left then I think it'll be even more difficult, even if she is interested.
quote:
Originally posted by Saddletank
@ Saviour - lets leave this thread for Tall and his friend and his needs. We can talk about the whole gamut of human emotions, needs, love and relationships somewhere else. This isn't the thread for it.
My thoughts exactly. Thanks for making that point.
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| 11.17.2012, 11:14 AM |
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Tea Master Tall
Totoro
Registration Date: 04.01.07
Location: United States
Posts: 730 |
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@husky51 To clarify, it's a high school situation, I'm not that old yet, lol. P.S. What a coincidence! 
Anyway, I really hope if I do tell her how I feel (which most of you are suggesting) that the friendship wouldn't be ruined, but I kind of fear that. I'd still like to be friends with her, regardless of whatever happens. But, how exactly I'd go about telling her that I like her, I don't know...
@Saddletank I would take her on a date, Saddles, but the problem with that is that I cannot yet drive. I've already been with her outside of school, but more of like a hang out with other friends of hers/mine. We're both in the school plays together, and that's how I met most of my good friends. So, our relationship is definitely not just about school work and issues, we have quite a bit in common (Including our interest Ghibli/Anime). Anyway, you're presuming I try to do something just between her and I?
@saviour2012 Not that I don't love a good debate, but as said, that can be made into a separate thread. 
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| 11.17.2012, 12:35 PM |
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husky51
The Old Guy
Registration Date: 03.17.08
Location: Southern California
Posts: 12799 |
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| 11.17.2012, 02:32 PM |
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saviour2012
Baron
Registration Date: 02.24.12
Location: Dhaka,Bangladesh
Posts: 1749 |
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@Saddle , Arren and Tea Master
Are you dumb , retarded or just too lazy to read the whole post
From my first post i have been saying that this is not the thread for discussing this and also as i am completely inexperienced (also dont have time to research) in this matter i cant make a thread. So asked others.
__________________
Watch everything but only take the good things from it
Ask, think and learn. Because the more we know the more we grow.
Watching the wrong to happen is the same as commiting the wrong.
If it looks like things are forcing you to be creative, Then be creative.
its a uniquely Miyazaki film, one only he could make and its uniqueness places it beyond being easily critiqued.[About Porco Rosso]
taken from a quote of Saddletank and Orphic Okapi
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| 11.17.2012, 03:09 PM |
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Saddletank
Miyazaki's Best Friend
Registration Date: 09.28.06
Location: On your case
Posts: 10069 |
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Tall, meeting up with her outside of school in a group with other friends is not the same as you two being alone together, so I'd suggest that. Just hanging out in the same ganag is not what I'm talking about, but I think you know that.
Is there a decent bus or train that can get you easily into a town centre? Public transport around towns/cities is usually very good.
What methods of transport did you use to meet out of school before?
Whatever you do or decide, good luck with it.
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Isakaya High School Roleplaying Info
"An old man like me stands no chance fighting against a high school girl in her underwear" - Oshino Meme, Nekomonogatari (Kuro)
Post last edited by Saddletank on 11.17.2012, 03:22 PM.
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| 11.17.2012, 03:20 PM |
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Tea Master Tall
Totoro
Registration Date: 04.01.07
Location: United States
Posts: 730 |
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Friend parties not included? I mean that's basically when I hang out with her apart from school. Like, once we all got together and watched some Ghibli movies at my house, and we already hang out outside of school when we can. But, should I try to do something just with her, is what I'm asking? Me not being able to drive kind of makes it hard to go on an actual date... So, I'm not sure what you mean.
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Oops. Saddle, you must have posted that while I was writing. Sorry.
To answer your question most of the time I just got rides from friends.
I live outside of the town where she lives, and there aren't really any buses or trains (It's a small town; there's not much happening). I guess I could bike, but it's Winter, so I'd have to wait for it to warm up, lol. My situation is far from ideal......
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Post last edited by Tea Master Tall on 11.17.2012, 03:57 PM.
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| 11.17.2012, 03:27 PM |
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fenkashi
Dibs on Supreme Overlord
Registration Date: 08.12.07
Location: Canada
Posts: 5732 |
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Oh that's frustrating =(
Is there any place you can hang out close to school? Before going home, I mean. I agree you should try getting alone time. Also, flirt xD It can't hurt, really. Nothing that would creep her out, keep it fun.
And yeah, definitely tell her at some point when you guys are having a good time.
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| 11.17.2012, 04:25 PM |
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Mush
Baron
Registration Date: 07.30.07
Location: South of Canada
Posts: 1810 |
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@ TeaMasterTall
I think it's fine for younger guys to ask out older girls, so I wouldn't worry much about that. But once she graduates it might be hard to sustain a relationship, since you'll be in different circumstances and maybe she'll move away for work or university. On the other hand, love conquers all so if you really like each other, that's just a minor speedbump. 
Asking out a friend is tricky because then, unlike with a blind date or something, you do have something to lose. Maybe I'm a pessimist, but I think that when you're considering how/when you will tell her, you should mainly plan it around the potential situation that she won't feel the same way. That's because, if she does romantically like you too, it's already the best-case scenario and you'll both be really happy no matter what. So the important thing would be to minimize the risk of awkwardness or losing her friendship in the case that she doesn't return your affection. With that kind of plan, you have a win/no-lose scenario.
If you're worried about losing her as a friend by being honest about your feelings, then be very clear when you tell her, that you value your friendship a lot and even if she doesn't feel the same way, you will still be happy to be friends. She has to know that you won't secretly lust after or be angry at her, or else she might feel uncomfortable or unsafe. So, in the case that you do get turned down, back it up by not behaving awkwardly or embarrassed, and still being friendly and hanging out together. That's really important. Also, be prepared to be really reassuring that if she says no, you're fine with that. So you should try to prepare yourself emotionally beforehand for how to react in that case.
Also, from experience... when you do mention that you like her, think about the setting. For example, I'd recommend not saying so just as you're about to part ways, even though that might be the easiest time if you're nervous. Because then there's a risk that, if she turns you down, you won't have a chance to discuss anything else and that's the ending note to the day. That can cause things to be awkward when you next meet. Instead, if she says "sorry, I like someone else" or something, you should be able to laugh and talk about it as friends. You should probably talk in a private, quiet place, where you'll both be comfortable being honest and without peer pressure. A friend's party would not be a good place. There's a lot of potential for drama, and the fact that other people are within earshot can keep you both from talking things through properly.
I probably still sound pessimistic. You should know that it's not that I doubt the potential for things to turn out well! That could totally be the case! It's just that, I think if that does happen, there's not a lot of need to prepare in advance. That's just my way of thinking, though.
Good luck and I hope that things turn out well!
@saviour
I really would like to talk with you about your philosophy of love, so if you start a thread on it I'll be happy to chime in.
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Post last edited by Mush on 11.17.2012, 06:48 PM.
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| 11.17.2012, 06:30 PM |
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Tea Master Tall
Totoro
Registration Date: 04.01.07
Location: United States
Posts: 730 |
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Thanks for all the advice Mush, I don't think you're being pessimistic. You're being realistic.
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| 11.18.2012, 02:11 AM |
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Tea Master Tall
Totoro
Registration Date: 04.01.07
Location: United States
Posts: 730 |
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I don't think I screwed up completely... yet, lol. I didn't really feel like wasting a lot of time, so I just told her via fb message. She said she wanted to talk to me about it face to face sometime, so it's better than anything I expected. I guess, I'm feeling optimistic, even though I probably shouldn't expect an outcome in my favor. Thanks you guys. I'll tell you how things go.
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| 11.19.2012, 01:46 AM |
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husky51
The Old Guy
Registration Date: 03.17.08
Location: Southern California
Posts: 12799 |
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| 11.19.2012, 04:12 AM |
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